I found these musings that I wrote about three years ago on the backsides of a couple of used envelopes. They came at a time when my personal ideals and existential uncertainties apparently clashed with my newly-declared major, Fisheries & Wildlife. Coincidentally, these concepts have also been coming up a lot in my recent internal debates; perhaps the discovery of these seemingly distant and ancient (yet still so palpable) thoughts is a sign that I should return to questioning and, thus, adapting.

I wonder why I decided to write these thoughts on the back of scrap envelopes, rather than a much larger piece of paper. I think I felt some sort of urgency to immediately regurgitate what I was thinking in a tangible and permanent way, being wary of the way thoughts can easily wander, get lost, and never find their way back...

Even so, these loose-leaf envelopes are just as vulnerable to getting lost (likely intentionally, as the result of embarrassment), so I am transferring it to this virtual journal entry, word-for-word, so as to retain these thoughts...

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1. CBs (conservation biologists) must be salesperson [communication, economics, politics, business] because must advocate and sell to others how important it is to save habitat. Why is this "product" important to me?

2. Must "sell" nature to others because people spending less time outdoors, thus not gaining appreciation for nature. The intrinsic value has been lost and instead the anthropogenic, economic "values" take priority... even those within my department - the supposed outdoorsy people who appreciate nature. Often, in the end, it is still: "is this good deer habitat?" with the concern for hunting; only with their own ego in mind...

3. Doublespeak even in FW (fisheries and wildlife) -- "is this ideal habitat?" Did you shoot a deer or plan to? Then NO it is not ideal deer habitat. Ideal habitat has plenty of cover and protection from being killed, which is not a WTD's (white-tailed deer) "ideal." So, instead, let's just get to the real question and ask: "will deer be lured here (because ultimately any habitat will have to do, for these WTD have next to no habitat as it is), though lack sufficient cover from any predators (which is only us, currently, since we decided wolf mounts and pelts booster our egos and wallets as well) to the point that this habitat type will be 'ideal' for US?" Then YES. I'm glad we finally asked the real question...

4. Even in my own life I have noticed how the evolution of technology has sidetracked me from spending nearly any time outside. Grew up with only one other person my age on the street, and we lacked the lure of the internet or much television watching outside of standard cartoons and Red Wings hockey. Thus we grew up in the swamp behind our houses, catching frogs (I swear we discovered an unidentified species of giganticised frogs, which were as large as dinner plates; or just the result of a warped imagination over time?). Or digging for salamanders in the aluvial soil near the mortar pile, which was accumulating from the construction of his house. Or snatching up garter snakes in the wood pile. Or playing "teacher" in the tree house, using Zoo Book magazine pull-outs. Or tending to his rabbit and pigeon coops, wanting to give them the best living conditions as repayment for their sad, caged life. I remember when we released one rabbit we grew attached to ("Fluffy," I think it was), who was growing old or sick, and who we wanted to let live out his life in a natural setting. The next year, I remember connecting eyes with a little gray rabbit that had just hopped out from under a spruce tree, not far from the rabbit coop. I swore it was Fluffy remembering me, but in reality, that domesticated and naive rabbit was probably long gone at the fate of a coyote's salivating jaws.

Remember when we saved a litter of raccoon babies? I don't remember what happened to their mother. We fed them milk and they squeaked. They pooped mustard, or so it looked. Remember when we'd stand behind your dad as he held his pistol point-blank to that "nuisance" raccoon's head? The one that had the misfortune of stumbling into one of his live traps, just like all the rest that met their fate with him had. Remember when he shot one that went into violent convulsions and thrashings, letting out the most terrifying screams? He shot it again in the head, and it finally collapsed. That's probably what happened to their mother. I don't think I will ever forget that image.

When is the last time I handled a salamander? Clearly I have been led to this career path after having developed an emotional attachment to nature from my time being enveloped by it. What started out as tactile interest & appreciation has developed solely to interaction in texts and theory and images and concepts. Are these concepts diluting and distracting from the tactile interaction?

5. With development of internet, I notice less of my free time spent outdoors. Now, I can't go all day without checking my email; conversely, it's not imparative I go into the woods everyday.

6. I once wrote a journal entry about never wanting to not be excited by the sight of swans. Now, even just a year later, it isn't as exciting to spot a swan as it once was. What happened since then?

7. CB ethical? Lost cause? Uncontrollable? Man cannot successfully fight -- and win -- "against" the forces of nature and extreme force of evolution.

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Hunting is a business. More jobs than all American-based airlines combined. Watchable wildlife skyrocketing, hunting decreasing ~~ at odds with each other. My morals always @ odds w/ my education.

Fisheries. Support more jobs than top 3 of America's largest industries. GM, Ford, Exxon-Mobile. Americans eat 15 lbs fish/year --> fish, shellfish consumption in middle of country (???)

Put people out of business in NR (natural resources), where do they go then? Production of goods? Governmental services? McD?

Defining your Target Customer.

Economy, industry. Was once top-down driven (Henry Ford: "you can have every color car you want, as long as it's black") --> now consumer-driven through $ choice, what spend on...

Act locally, think globally. NOW?... think locally, act globally

Must put monetary value on natural "resources" for government, organizations, corporations to care --> market value? intrinsic value? fair value? If cannot put monetary value on it, won't be of value to those who essentially control the money, resources, environment. $2 bottle H2O. Choices are political choices -- $ is political lever -- choose how spend, choose what to support.

Resources do & do not matter to those who do & do not use it. --> Whaling large in US --> Eastern US whale history museums. Now Greenpeace -- "save the whales" No longer resource to US. ^ or v one whale vs. eating or not in countries that depend on whales for sustenance? Look down upon those who whale --> look @ your OWN country

Value - personal, monetary resources & donations to megafauna --> verts smallest possible group, but most attention

Morally correct to "sell" environment to save it & keep it healthy? --> cannot guarantee promises will be up-kept & followed through

FW is a business --> take $, profit, benefit, advantage not just for "common good" anymore because no one cares abt common good --> common good doesn't "buy" happiness

FW education in MI hunting & fishing-heavy --> profit for state, common recreation. Corporation of hunters & anglers...